'Love' as a Practice: Looking at Real People

This paper is engaged in what Sally Haslanger has called an ameliorative project (2000, 2006). What do we want love to mean? We might wonder whether we can improve the way we use the concept. Can we choose a conception of love that makes us better lovers? By comparing David Velleman’s (1999) and Iris Murdoch’s account of love (SOG) this paper argues that Velleman’s account is not suitable for the ameliorative project, while Murdoch’s account enables us to be better lovers. It argues that better love consists of an activity of loving, instead of a passive evaluation. It is furthermore a specific activity: loving means engaging in an ongoing practice of loving attention, a process that requires continuous work. This paper aims to show that Murdochian love is not only valuable for philosophers or people who are concerned with being morally good – which is Murdoch’s focus – but is particularly valuable to ordinary lovers, to people who want meaningful loving relationships.