What Causes Older Parent-adult Child Estrangement? A Qualitative Interview Study

The life-course perspective’s emphasis on “linked lives” highlights the importance of positive parent-child relationships for adults’ well-being in mid-life and beyond. However, one in ten Americans experiences parent-child estrangement, defined as ending all contact and communication for a period of time. Despite the prevalence, the reasons underlying family estrangements are poorly understood. In this study, we conducted in-depth, qualitative interviews with 43 middle-aged and older adults (age range = 46-81, M = 65.05 years) who are or were estranged from an adult child (estrangement range = 1-26, mean = 6.53 years). On the basis of a jointly developed codebook, independent coding from the first and second author revealed 22 estrangement reasons across eight categories, with parents citing reasons from across four categories on average. Estrangement was most often attributed to the behavior, issues, or traits of the child (79%), problems surrounding a difficult in-law/ partner (72%), or disagreements about beliefs and values (67%). To a lesser degree, estrangements were linked to separation or divorce (49%), financial problems and conflicts (42%), adverse childhood experiences of the estranged child (30%), and interference from someone other than a partner (16%). More than half of the parents (58%) also endorsed other reasons, including their own traits and behaviors, communication issues, a family history of estrangement, and passive loss of contact. Older parent–adult child estrangements are perceived as multi-causal, with four out of five parents describing the estranged child as difficult or troubled. Implications of the findings for professionals working with older adults are discussed.